Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[Paul De Tourtoulon]

[Peter Christy]

13 hours ago, Brian Cooper said:

 

This reminds me of an incident from many years ago, when I was a student (although not directly involved)! It was rag week, and a bunch of students came across a relatively young group of council workmen digging up the road. They approached them, and warned them that it was rag week, and a group of students posing as policemen might try and stop them from digging. Next they rang the police, and told them there was a bunch of students disguised as council workmen digging up the road!

 

They then retired to the pub across the road to enjoy the ensuing mayhem...!

[EvilC57]

[Brian Cooper]

• Photobombed 

 

Edited February 4 by Brian Cooper

[Brian Cooper]

Went out with a pair of twins once.  The only way to tell them apart was Susan had long blonde hair and Dave had a beard.

[cymaz]

 

Edited February 4 by cymaz

[Brian Cooper]

[kevin b]

[Brian Cooper]

[David P Williams]

[Martian]

A bit long winded but should make you titter

 

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer. Suzie stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband, Frank, had a terrible

bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain

that poor Frank must have experienced.

"Frank was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."

We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were

able to piece together the crushed remnants of Frank's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place with metal staples." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on

Frank."Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "Thank the Lord, Frank is out of

the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone

else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Frank." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."

[Martin Harris - Moderator]

The moderators are getting concerned with the number of inappropriate posts recently. In fact, during our discussion another one had to be removed.
 

Unfortunately, if people can’t stick to the guidelines and it continues to attract crude humour and political posts we’ll be forced to close the thread. 
 

We realise this would upset the many people posting humorous items and inoffensive jokes so please think before pushing the limits - we’re sure nobody wants to be to blame for the thread’s demise. 

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

[Brian Cooper]

[Eric Robson]

[Paul De Tourtoulon]

Going back to "inappropriate posts" I am having a few problems on what is and is not acceptable, my English dates from 1975, and again from Newcastle, the English-speaking community here are from the US to the Aussie's and there are many words that they use all the time that here are unacceptable here, so please excuse my posts if they are inappropriate.

[Shaun Walsh]

Perhaps it would be useful if the moderators could post an exhaustive list of unacceptable words............

Oh, hold on 

😉

[Brian Cooper]

[EvilC57]

2 hours ago, Shaun Walsh said:

Perhaps it would be useful if the moderators could post an exhaustive list of unacceptable words............

Oh, hold on 

😉

Ofcom have already done it in their ‘Offensive Language Quick Reference Guide’. I won’t link it directly here, ‘cos we’re not supposed to.

 

Makes interesting reading though 😱🤐🤫!

Edited February 6 by EvilC57

[kevin b]

4 hours ago, Brian Cooper said:

Must be Texas.

[Shaun Walsh]

3 hours ago, EvilC57 said:

Ofcom have already done it in their ‘Offensive Language Quick Reference Guide’. I won’t link it directly here, ‘cos we’re not supposed to.

 

Makes interesting reading though 😱🤐🤫!

Gosh chaps, if I read that correctly I can never tell anyone that I "grabbed my tranny" or "had to drop the flaps for a close approach"!

[Martin Harris - Moderator]

Good thing your observations can be read in context! 

 

It might be better not to push the boundaries though - we made a simple request to keep things clean and non-offensive and it doesn't require comment or discussion on this thread...