Eamonn Fahey Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 To go with Antiquated's post- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken anderson. Posted December 19, 2012 Author Share Posted December 19, 2012 have a 'real' christmas laugh by watching this.........if you dont laugh - you need help....... ken anderson ne..1 ...... have a laugh dept...ghq Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken anderson. Posted December 19, 2012 Author Share Posted December 19, 2012 what did santa say to mrs claus when he looked out of the window? ..... it looks like rain- dear.... .. ken anderson ... ne..1....... christmas dept... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Wright 2 Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 I laughed at that one Ken .and that takes some doing lol. Tom. Comedians night mare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eamonn Fahey Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 Happy Christmas maybe! Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut,...all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory. Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EU legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions. Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly. Merry Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eamonn Fahey Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 People are making APOCALYPSE JOKES like there's no TOMORROW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bouncebounce crunch Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 good one Eamonn what do you call a guy that likes sewing? Fred what do you call a guy that sits on the front doorstep? Matt what do you call a guy that hides in bushes? russell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Privett Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Greetings, I wanted to send you some sort of holiday greeting but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I wish to say the following: 1. Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. 2. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2013 but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. 3. By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: · This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. · It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. · It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. · The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. Best Regards (without prejudice) Name withheld (Privacy Act) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biggles' Elder Brother - Moderator Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 BEB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bouncebounce crunch Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 All covered under the Santa -Clause- part (a) John. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
001 Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 And to think that 65 years ago I was quite happy to just receive an orange wrapped in tinfoil (or silver paper as we called it then) at Christmas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Brooks Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Orange? You were lucky to get an orange, we had to make do wi' a pip! And a sucked one at that! And we dreamed about tinfoil, my pip were wrapped in the fag paper off a dog-end. Ah! Happy Days. Happy Christmas everyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Hargreaves - Moderator Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 One for those who were around in the 80's I bumped into Batman the other day & he broke a vase over my head & said "T'POW" I said "Don't you mean "KaPOW"" & he said "No...I've got china in my hand" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolstonFlyer Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 I had to think about that one Steve.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eamonn Fahey Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Good one Steve. That is one of those "I must remember that one" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Agate Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 In Dubai they don't like the Flintstones, but Abu Dhabi do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
001 Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Child, taken to his first classical music concert, points to the trombonist. "There a trick in that - he's not really swallowing it!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
001 Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Doctor, doctor, there's a problem with my alimentary canal! Tell me. There's a barge on it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bouncebounce crunch Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 I am a belt and braces man. I have braced myself for the belting i will get after being at the local(be that hobby store or pub) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Hargreaves - Moderator Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.' 'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for CNN', he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.' The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Hargreaves - Moderator Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I wonder if this should be the new logo at our club field...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daithi O Buitigh Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Or maybe this one Steve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Hargreaves - Moderator Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 One man has already been hospitalised after eating the offending horse burgers. His condition is described as 'stable'. Sat here reading the label on these Tesco burgers and it turns out they're fairly low in fat but surprisingly high in Shergar. I hear the veggie burgers have been found to contain traces of uniquorn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hickman Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Unexpected item in bagging area Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Cotsford Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 had a snack in the Tesco cafeteria, when the lady asked what I wanted on my burger I told her 'a fiver each way please' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.