Peter Miller Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 WE had something strange on 41 Sdn. They scrambled the two QRA Javelins one night. When they came back their guns were empty. The crews refused to say a single word, they just shook their heads and walked away..Never heard another thing. This was in 63. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Claridge Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 heard at a water plane meeting as a wot 4 hit the drink at 50 miles an hour hrm dives well the legend on the wing says fly it like its stolen and he does the wot4 flew again 45 mins later Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clark Ross Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 in the early days of radio control it was very common to see a flyer running across the field with transmitter held high yelling i haven't got . followed by the statement ,did anyone see where it went down? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuckles Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Whilst serving my apprenticeship during the mid 1940's I was working at an airfield modifying Spitfires. We had a visitation by a dignitary who asked a Rolls-Royce rep supervising the fitting of a prop "What is the yellow line on each of the blades?" Without cracking a smile the rep replied "They are to indicate a certain fixed distance from the tip of the blade" This same rep had a 'chant' he would recite whilst tightening unions etc. Two tinks equal one tonk. Two tonks equal one tap. Two taps equal one thump. Two thumps equal ..oh s..t send to Derby for a replacement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug Ireland Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Hi Eric,I remember our yearly detachments to RAF Valley used to have one or two funny moments, 43 sqdn used to spend two weeks a year there to fire air-to-air missiles at the nearby missile range. There weren't too many problems with the Sidewinders as they were heat-seekers and would always target the flare being towed behind the drone. The Sparrows were another matter though! As these are radar guided the drone had to tow a big reflector for the missile to lock onto; trouble was it didn't always work that way! During a detachment it was common to "loose" 3 or 4 drones, much to the amusement of the aircrew!Air to air gunnery was done at Leuchars with the Canberras flying out over the north sea. We lost a few targets but I don't remember any of the aircraft getting "peppered". I don't know why we did the gunnery thing though as the Vulcan gun was never carried on operational sorties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Grigg Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 My instructor told me that in the good old days when glue took forever to dry to get the model ready for the weekend you could speed the process by popping the model into the oven on a very low heat.His mum returned from work thinking her son had kindly warmed the oven for tea and promptly turned it up.When she put the food in to cook she discovered the charred remains of his model.He coulnt fly that weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
001 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I used to work at an establishment that occasionally had visits from high ranking government officials. One day the Minister came down fom London on an arranged visit with a flurry of flunkeys. He spoke to one of our supervisors. "How many men work here?" The reply (in a deadpan face and flat voice) "Oh. about half of them sir!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myron Beaumont Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Hello is anybody there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce Richards Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I'm here Myron you are not alone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myron Beaumont Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thank you Bruce .It appears I went off thread but at least it proves I can still send a useless message Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma Jane Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I've come across a lot of radio funnies in my short career as a pilot. It is all spelt out in CAP 413 a system developed over time to avoid misinterpretations over the air waves between ground stations and air stations, yet some things still manage to confuse, My favourite so far was the following ATC "G-XX report next turning point" Me "Wye G-XX" ATC "G-XX because we need to know" Me "Wye - Whiskey - Yankee - Echo - it is a small place near Ashford G-XX" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug Ireland Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Reminds me of the radio beacon RFJ. Some airline pilots used to think it amusing to shorten "Foxtrot" to Fox and get an earful from ATC! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Bunting Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 A few funnies from from early issues of 'Flight', on-line. Nice to see there was a healthy disrespect for bureaucracy in WW1: this one is from 1917: "Miss Gertrude Hinds has had the honour of being fined ten shillings by Kent magistrates for photographing a fallen Gotha without official sanction. It is, without doubt, hardened criminals of this type which has necessitated the bringing in of the "Dora" (Defence of the Realm Act) regulations, as it is obvious that the only possible reason for this proceeding on Miss Hinds' part was to impart information on Gotha machines to the enemy". For a page of front-line humour, see "An RFC Mechanic's Diary. By Corporal Vee", starting on page 775, 'Flight', July 11, 1918. A couple of samples: "A DH6 was reported by the police for loitering over a village near the aerodrome. The pilot is taking action for slander, as he swears the machine was moving all the time" "Found a piece of rubber tyre in my sausage this morning, which helps to prove that the motor-car is replacing the horse everywhere". These early issues are worth a look for drawings and photographs, and a few little-known aircraft types, for scale modelling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryce Allcorn - BritFlight.co.uk Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 During October I was out test flying a prototype model - still in development but it (was) is a funky flying wing. We'd built it out of Depron and it looked stonking but the age old mistake of being to eager to fly vs. finish the plane beat me and so off I went. The first mistake was not colouring the top/bottom or the tail, so it was all white depron, next was not wearing sunglasses in the bright sunlight... So in a nice fast and low flight, heading towards me I decided it was just that little bit low and a little bit close to me and a lot too fast, a little up elevator to clear me nicely and... SMACK, plane lost a few foot of altitude (was inverted!!!) and hit me head on in the mouth! Blood every where and a lot of swearing later I packed up and went home - still have the scar! I make sure the top and bottom of the wings is a different colour now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Ashby - Moderator Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 OOh ouch Bryce sounds nasty. I hit a sheep once with a model but have managed to avoid humans so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris C Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 yeah i got a slope soarer in teh face ouched a hole in teh baseball cap i was wearing an inch across it broke my gasses and it gave me a black eye i was LUCKY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma Jane Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 David's hitting a sheep made me think of this video that has done the rounds of the pilots forums: I'm glad to say pilots and cow escaped without injury, the tiggie got a bit battered though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken anderson. Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 go on eric............... ken anderson............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Towell Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 ...............AHMEN..........!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Hargreaves - Moderator Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Airline Announcements? United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it! ************************************* On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. ' ************************************* 'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane' ************************************* An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?' 'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?' The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?' *************************************** As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!' ******************************************* After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.' ************************************* Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.' ************************************* Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... 1 month later... Stephen Grigg Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 Years ago I took a Vauxhall Cresta for an MOT.The guy was checking the sill when a large lump of concrete that had been used to fill the sill fell out almost taking his head off,he failed it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Terence Lynock Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 There's a regular seller of covering material on eBay that reconns the stuff he sent me is the same as he supplies to another of his customers who is the French national aerobatic champion, the last roll of stuff he sent me was 'FABLON'...... Paypal are now sorting out the argument.... regards. Terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Doug Ireland Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Gives a whole new meaning to "In-flight Service"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Olly P Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 From the australian national airlines flight maintenance log: ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ Pilot: Something Loose in Cockpit Engineer: Something tightened in cockpit ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ Pilot: Mouse in Cockpit Engineer: Cat installed ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ Pilot: 3rd engine missing Engineer: 3rd engine located after short search, its on the starboard wing. ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ There are more, but I can't remember them from the top of my head.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Mikey Wood Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I think they have been posted somewhere on here previously but here is the full list Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire. Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit. Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineers: Live bugs on back-order. Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineers: Evidence removed. Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level. Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Engineers: That's what friction locks are for. Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineers: Suspect you're right. Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search. Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Engineers: Cat installed. Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Engineers: Took hammer away from midget Loved this the 1st time i read it! Mikey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Prev 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 Next Page 8 of 11 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. 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Stephen Grigg Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 Years ago I took a Vauxhall Cresta for an MOT.The guy was checking the sill when a large lump of concrete that had been used to fill the sill fell out almost taking his head off,he failed it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terence Lynock Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 There's a regular seller of covering material on eBay that reconns the stuff he sent me is the same as he supplies to another of his customers who is the French national aerobatic champion, the last roll of stuff he sent me was 'FABLON'...... Paypal are now sorting out the argument.... regards. Terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug Ireland Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Gives a whole new meaning to "In-flight Service"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly P Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 From the australian national airlines flight maintenance log: ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ Pilot: Something Loose in Cockpit Engineer: Something tightened in cockpit ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ Pilot: Mouse in Cockpit Engineer: Cat installed ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ Pilot: 3rd engine missing Engineer: 3rd engine located after short search, its on the starboard wing. ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ There are more, but I can't remember them from the top of my head.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey Wood Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I think they have been posted somewhere on here previously but here is the full list Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire. Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit. Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineers: Live bugs on back-order. Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineers: Evidence removed. Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level. Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Engineers: That's what friction locks are for. Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineers: Suspect you're right. Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search. Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Engineers: Cat installed. Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Engineers: Took hammer away from midget Loved this the 1st time i read it! Mikey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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