Jump to content
Please be aware of scammers when using the Sale/Wanted forum areas

Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

ken anderson.

By ken anderson.,
in Chit-chat

 Share

Recommended Posts

Nigel Day

Nigel Day

Posted
Posted

During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.
I described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7km through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake.
I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake.
I climbed several rocky hills.
I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees.
The mental stress of it all left me shattered.
At the end of it all I drank eight beers"

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"

"No," I replied, "I'm just a rubbish golfer".

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Advert


Eamonn Fahey

Eamonn Fahey

Posted
Posted

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.

After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?' Barbie slipped over the sideand finding the water only knee deep said, 'nope, not yet Bubbles'. So they row a little farther.... Again Bubbles asks Barbie, 'Do you think were out far enough now? Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest.'

So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface gasping for breath. 'Well is it deep enough yet, Sis?'

'Yes, finally. Hand me the shovel.'

Link to comment
Share on other sites
cymaz

cymaz

Posted
Posted

In a train from London to Manchester an American was barating an Englishman...

" The trouble with you Limies is that you're pompous and stuffy. It looks like you've got a stick you your nose when you walk wearing your silly bowlers hats"

" On the other hand me being American , I am multicultural. I proud to have German, Polish, Jewish blood in me!"

The English gent quietly folded his newspaper, stared at the Yank and said, " How very sporting of your mother"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
John Privett

John Privett

Posted
Posted

I'm really not sure if that's meant to be a trailer for an actual film or just a comedy spoof! Answers on a postcard please....

(Though from Steve's post above, it looks like anybody arriving in this thread now is going to be wondering what on earth CS and I were talking about!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
John Privett

John Privett

Posted
Posted
Posted by John Privett on 04/06/2015 20:34:16:

(Though from Steve's post above, it looks like anybody arriving in this thread now is going to be wondering what on earth CS and I were talking about!)

Errr, isn't it still there, or was there another one that I missed? My comment was about the (alleged?) trailer for The Drone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Biggles' Elder Brother - Moderator

Biggles' Elder Brother - Moderator

Posted
Posted

Haha! Nice one!

It reminds me of a true story. A very good friend of mine was recently retired - so for the first time he was in the house on his own while his wife was at work. He's a good pilot - but a poor man at "everyday life"!

So she had left him a tin of tomato soup for his lunch. But he couldn't figure out how to open the tin! A big struggle ensued. Eventual the tin burst open and half the contents went all over the new window blinds in the kitchen! Oh no! He thought - what am I going to tell her?

Somewhat depressed he returned to setting up his new 250 Heli on the coffee table in the lounge. While testing he thought "I just need a little bunny hop to test this is OK - its only a little 'un no need to go in the garden, I'll do it here" - you can guess what's coming yes?

Well the heli spools up - before he can do anything its very obvious not all is right with this heli. It starts thrashing around and in his words in less than 3 seconds - puts a long scratch on the coffee table - shoots across the room, puts another nice big scratch on her favourite display cabinet and for a final show piece takes a slice out of the blind in that room too!

Needless to say - she left him sandwiches and a flask of coffee from then on - and any form of modelling in house was strictly banned!

BEB

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...