Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[Brian Cooper]

Gotta be careful with those double negatives. . 

 

[Paul De Tourtoulon]

[Martin Harris - Moderator]

2 hours ago, Brian Cooper said:

Gotta be careful with those double negatives. . 

 

I was only about 7 but I’ve never forgotten the look of confusion on the face of the boy ahead of me in the school canteen after he’d said, “I don’t want no custard” in reply to the standard soup dragon’s “custard or no custard” query. He received a large dollop of lumpy yellow slime on his pudding and a stern refusal to exchange it. 

[Brian Cooper]

A good friend has just been fired from his job with the 999 Emergency Call Centre.

 

A man phoned and said, "I'm depressed and laying on the railway track, waiting for the train to come so I can meet my maker."

 

Apparently, "Remain calm and stay on the line" was the wrong response. 

[EvilC57]

Edited May 5 by EvilC57

[Brian Cooper]

[EvilC57]

[EvilC57]

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

How did the blonde try to kill a bird.............she threw it off a cliff!!!!!

[Brian Cooper]

An old lady went into her bank, handed her bank card to the teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10”.

The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM."

The old lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “Those are the rules. Please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”.

The old lady thought for a few seconds and then asked what the maximum amount was that she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her it was £3000.

 

“Well please let me have £3000 now.”

The teller diligently counted out the money and kindly handed over the £3000.

The old lady put £10 in her purse and then asked the teller to deposit £2990 back into her account.

The moral of this story is....

Don’t be difficult with oldies, they spent a lifetime learning how to be smarter than you.

 

[kevin b]

[cymaz]

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[Gary Manuel]

5 hours ago, cymaz said:

Was that photo taken on 4th May?

[Andy Stephenson]

6 minutes ago, Gary Manuel said:

Was that photo taken on 4th May?

1st of April more like!

[Gary Manuel]

12 minutes ago, Andy Stephenson said:

1st of April more like!

May the Forth be with you.

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[Andy Stephenson]

5 hours ago, Brian Cooper said:

Knowing IKEA, these are probably loose stools!