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ken anderson.

By ken anderson.,
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Mark Kettle 1

Mark Kettle 1

Posted
Posted

Lace this paragraph in -  instead of what I've written surprise  otherwise the joke doesn't work   -  I forgot the joke as typing 'so you do' when telling them. 

 

So he let a little bit of air out of Mummies balloon, only a little and after checking there would be enough space for him, he did the knot up tight. But after checking it was'nt enough so he let some air out of his own balloon, again only a little and this time it worked and Baby balloon squeezed in between the both of them, into their lovely warm bed, and soon Baby balloon was fast asleep.

-------------------

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited By Mark Kettle 1 on 27/11/2017 01:07:04

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Broken Prop

Broken Prop

Posted
Posted

A bloke is driving along a country road when he gets overtaken by a chicken which he notices has three legs. Intrigued by the sight, he chases the chicken to a farm nearby.

The farmer comes over to the car and the bloke says, 'Excuse me, but I saw a three legged chicken come in here just now.'

Ah, yes,' answers the farmer, 'I breed 'em like that. You see, both me and the misssus like a chicken leg and our son does too, so I thought I would breed them with three legs to solve the meal problem.'

'Wow, that's amazing,' says the bloke. 'What do they taste like?'

'Dunno,' says the farmer. 'I ain't caught one yet......'

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Nigel Day

Nigel Day

Posted
Posted

Darth Vader meets Luke Skywalker on Xmas eve...

Vader: "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Luke: "No, you can't!"

Vader: "Yes Luke, I've forseen exactly what you're getting."

Luke: "No, not even Leia knows!"

Vader: "Yes Luke, I know what each gift is."

Luke: "No, that's impossible, how you could you possibly know?!"

Vader: "Luke, I've felt your presents."

Merry Xmas to all and a Happy New Year.

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FastFlyer Smyth

FastFlyer Smyth

Posted
Posted

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

“Look, it’s not the same hat.”

“Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.”

“Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: “OK, I give up. Where’s the boat?”

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ken anderson.

ken anderson.

Posted
  • Author
Posted

a woman from Essex involved in a road accident................ when the paramedics arrive and asks

her...name.."Sharon" she replies..... the paramedic notices a lot of blood......"can I ask where your bleeding from"?

..... Romford she relies..... smiley

ken Anderson...ne....1...joke dept.

 

Edited By ken anderson. on 29/01/2018 13:13:15

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Toni Reynaud

Toni Reynaud

Posted
Posted

A young man is visiting his girlfriend's house for the first time one winter's evening. The father arrived soon after and said "Hello, you must be the new boyfriend."

"That's right." said the lad, offering his hand. Father didn't take the hand but said "Is your name John?"

"Yes" said the lad, and Dad hauled off and gave him a smack round the face.

"What was that for?" said the lad.

"Because I saw your name written in the snow just down the road." said Dad.

"Didn't you ever write your name in the snow when you were young?" said the lad.

"Yes" said Dad, "But your name was in my daughter's handwriting!"

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Martin Harris - Moderator

Martin Harris - Moderator

Posted
Posted
Posted by ken anderson. on 11/12/2017 09:34:34:

lots of reports coming in of people falling ill due to eating "yellow snow" teeth 2 ...........

 

ken Anderson...ne...1..... don't eat the yellow snow dept...

Posted by Toni Reynaud on 29/01/2018 13:48:03:

A young man is visiting his girlfriend's house for the first time one winter's evening. The father arrived soon after and said "Hello, you must be the new boyfriend."

"That's right." said the lad, offering his hand. Father didn't take the hand but said "Is your name John?"

"Yes" said the lad, and Dad hauled off and gave him a smack round the face.

"What was that for?" said the lad.

"Because I saw your name written in the snow just down the road." said Dad.

"Didn't you ever write your name in the snow when you were young?" said the lad.

"Yes" said Dad, "But your name was in my daughter's handwriting!"

 

Definitely don't eat the yellow snow, Ken!

Edited By Martin Harris on 29/01/2018 14:20:59

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Chris Walby

Chris Walby

Posted
Posted

It may not be appropriate to laugh at other peoples mistakes, but then again if you learn something frm it, it can't be all bad can it?

Excerpts from recent accident reports with full size aircraft which just goes to show we are not alone when it comes to the odd embarrassment!

Here's three to be going on with...

The pilot reported that there were sheep on the farm landing strip, around two thirds along its length. He continued with the landing because the sheep were moving away from the aircraft noise, and because the first part of the runway was clear. As the aircraft touched down, a sheep ran on to the runway. The pilot performed a go-around and as the aircraft lifted off, its left wheel struck the animal. This caused the left gear leg to shear off, and the pilot stated that onlookers could see the leg and wheel hanging from the brake hose. The pilot completed a circuit and, on landing, the aircraft slewed to the left, impacted a fence and came to rest.

The pilot reported that sheep normally ran away from the aircraft noise and in future he would be prepared for the unexpected.

**

On the return leg to the airfield the pilot was caught out by rising terrain and a lowering cloud base. He could not see a field in which to carry out an emergency landing so he landed in the tops of trees.

**

He judged his approach and touchdown to be better than those he had previously completed but, once all three wheels were on the ground, the aircraft veered left. The student reported that he responded by applying right rudder and increasing power; in preparation for take-off. However, he could not prevent the aircraft from departing the runway to the left and travelling across an adjacent area of long grass. He applied the brakes and thought that he reduced power but the aircraft did not stop until it collided with a windsock pole and the propeller detached. The student turned off the fuel and the electric master switch before exiting the aircraft

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