Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[Brian Cooper]

[Shaun Walsh]

4 hours ago, Brian Cooper said:

Sage advice!

[Brian Cooper]

[iqon]

[Brian Cooper]

[Peter Christy]

[Andy Stephenson]

1 hour ago, Brian Cooper said:

No chance the Yanks still use imperial sizes.

[Romeo Whisky]

 

Mum:          Johnny - why are you so late home from school today?

Johnny:       I got detention 'cos Billy was smokin'

Mum:          If it was Billy who was smoking, how come you got detention?

Johnny:      'Cos it was me that set him afire

[Gary Manuel]

 

Edited November 22, 2023 by Gary Manuel

[Brian Cooper]

[Eric Robson]

1 hour ago, Gary Manuel said:

 

Big brother is here 

[Brian Cooper]

[Robert Cracknell]

Reminds me of this one, credit to Jethro, I think.....

 

A cross eyed burglar is active in town tonight. If you see him looking in your window - warn your neighbours..!!

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[Peter Christy]

[Romeo Whisky]

Here's one from the late, great Ken Dodd ....

 

A young man of very small stature became very depressed about it and went to see his doctor.

You mustn't get depressed about that, said his doctor. Remember: "Giant oak trees from little acorns grow".   Just keep reminding yourself that you're a little acorn.

The young fellow had never thought of that before and immediately felt better.  "Yes" he said  "I am a  little acorn".

When he went outside the sun was shining, and he decided to stroll back through the park.

And a squirrel ate him!

[Romeo Whisky]

And another of my favourites from Ken Dodd ...

 

Patient:    Doctor, I need your help.  I can't sleep at night because my wife thinks she's a refrigerator.

Doctor:    Well that's easy - just use ear-plugs.

Patient:   That's no use. 

Doctor:   Why not?

Patient:   You don't seem to understand - the problem is she sleeps with her mouth open.

                 It's the light that keeps me awake!

 

[ken anderson.]

A sandwich went into the bar and asked for a pint...

 

The barman replied" sorry we don't serve food here"

 

Ken Anderson .... ne...1 ....food and drink dept.

[Futura57]

I went round to mate's house the other day to show him this beaten up old Merco 35 I had. He asked what was wrong with it, I said piston broke. He said, stop spending all your money on alcohol 💩

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[cymaz]

[Brian Cooper]