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ken anderson.

By ken anderson.,
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David Begg 1

David Begg 1

Posted
Posted

Marital Misunderstanding

How men and women record things in their diaries...

Wife’s Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband’s Diary:

A one-foot putt ... who misses a one-foot putt.

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  • 4 weeks later...
G-JIMG

G-JIMG

Posted
Posted

Walking back from the Church the Vicar comes across old Josh, working hard in his beautiful garden.

"Good morning Josh, the garden is looking particularly beautiful this morning." "It's amazing what God and man can create when working together isn't it".

"Aye Vicar" says Josh, "but you should have seen it when God had it to himself"!

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Cliff 1959

Cliff 1959

Posted
Posted
Posted by Mark Kettle 1 on 22/08/2017 21:47:03:
From the Edinburgh fringe-

"Just lately I haven't been close to my Father, good job really because last week he stood on a landmine"

Don't wish to be a party pooper Mark but that's not very good taste, I'm not laughing now and I wouldn't have laughed at the fringe.

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G-JIMG

G-JIMG

Posted
Posted

True happening...................

Driving to visit friends of my Wife (who I had never met) I was following her directions. So, when she said, "take the next turning on the left" I dutifully obliged, but was instantly berated, "Why the hell have you turned down this road"?

"Because you told me to dear".

"I meant the other left"!

In our household we have apparently replaced Left & Right with Left and the other left!

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cymaz

cymaz

Posted
Posted
Posted by trebor on 23/08/2017 13:45:42:

Pretty sure my other half would get lost if her sat nav broke, I've yet to meet a woman that can read a map laugh. I can say this as she doesn't look on this forum yes

I'm proud to say Mrs Cymaz is an excellent map reader. We have done a lot of European driving and her skills have been invaluable. All done without sat nav... .photo

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Martin Harris - Moderator

Martin Harris - Moderator

Posted
Posted

Mine has traditional feminine navigational skills...

She set off from Luton to visit her sister in Woking just after completion of the M25 motorway. A few hours later, her rather worried sister called to say she hadn't arrived (pre-mobile phone days).

Rather too long later, I got the call that she'd arrived in good but tired condition. What had been going on? Luton to Woking should take less than an hour outside rush hours. After driving through several tunnels, she eventually decided that she should have seen some signs to Woking by then and perhaps she'd missed the turn? She then left at the next exit (Sevenoaks!) and asked at a garage - who informed her she'd turned the wrong way when getting on to the M25.

You - and definitely I - would probably have sworn quietly and proceeded back onto the M25 to continue the 30 something miles to Woking but the cartographically challenged Mrs H embarked on the 70 mile journey back to where she'd turned on to the clockwise carriageway and then 30 more to her destination...a total of 176 miles for a 46 mile journey.

For those readers unfamiliar with the largest car park in the world, the M25 is also known as the London Orbital Motorway...

 

Edited By Martin Harris on 23/08/2017 19:58:31

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trebor

trebor

Posted
Posted

A long time ago my mate had to deliver a parcel in London and took his mum for a bit of sight seeing. He spent most of the day looking for the drop off and parked up leaving his mum to take a taxi to the address. All went fine till he had to get back to his mum, he forgot where he'd parked up. They didn't get back till the early hours the next day laugh

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