Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

It's true

John

[Plummet]

After a long hard day a southerner, a lancastrian and a yorkshireman go into the pub. They get their beer and go to a table, put their pints onto it and sit down.

Three flies buzz over and they each land in a different pint glass.

The southerner looks disgusted and pushes his pint away.

The lancastrian looks amazed at the southerner, dips a finger into his pint, hoists out the fly, flicks it across the room and takes a good swig at his beer.

The yorkshireman tut-tuts, and very carefully and gently lift the fly from his pint and holds it above the glass.. He leans down towards the fly, and in a loud commanding voice says...

.

.

.

.

.

"Spit it out!"

Plummet

[Dave Hopkin]

Take the test **LINK**

[Dave Hopkin]

I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: 'Yeah, three males and two females.' Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.'

[kevin lane]

I knew a dyslexic Yorkshireman used to walk round wearing a catflap.

[Martin Harris - Moderator]

Posted by Dave Hopkin on 26/02/2015 23:20:42:

Take the test **LINK**

Surprisingly accurate!

[Bob Cotsford]

Posted by Dave Hopkin on 26/02/2015 23:20:42:

Take the test **LINK**

70% (Hull) - being a Brummy I'm not sure how to take that but as a compliment will do!

[kevin b]

Posted by Martin Harris on 27/02/2015 01:16:58:

Posted by Dave Hopkin on 26/02/2015 23:20:42:

Take the test **LINK**

Surprisingly accurate!

30 miles East. Not bad.

[WolstonFlyer]

Not very accurate for me 23 percent northern.. I was born and raised in Sheffield but now live in Coventry... must have turned in to a southern softie!!

[John Tee]

It says I am 60% Northern but born, bred and lived in Sussex for the last 66 years (i do have family in the Black Country so heading north)

John

[Dave Hopkin]

It told me I was from the Costa del Middlesbrough !

Brummie born and bred but on a mission in Manchester to try and bring civilisation here - you know they STILL dont have Saveloys in the chippies..... can you believe it?!?!?!?

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

It says i'm from Newcastle wye aye man up the Geordies

John

[Martin Whybrow]

Says I'm from Bournemouth!

[Biggles' Elder Brother - Moderator]

Apparently I'm from Newcastle - and 100% Northern. Mmmm, I think it needs recalibrating.

BEB

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

Ah divn't nah BEB it's sorta grown on us like

John...adopted Geordie ...dept

[Steve T]

I'm from the People's Republic of Yorkshire, but apparently only 60% of me, er? where is the rest of me from, and more worrying, which bits aren't from Yorkshire? And where did they come from then ?

[Daithi O Buitigh]

Hmm - according to that I'm from somewhere near Wolverhampton - must have been from the time I did my square bashing at RAF Bridgnorth

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

Posted by Steve T on 27/02/2015 18:48:12:

I'm from the People's Republic of Yorkshire, but apparently only 60% of me, er? where is the rest of me from, and more worrying, which bits aren't from Yorkshire? And where did they come from then ?

If you moved out of Yorkshire, it'll be the bit on your shoulders that's gone awol

John

[John Privett]

It reckoned I'm 80% northern, and said that was "somewhere around York." But the arrow on the map pointed further north, closer to Durham.

I did spend three years at uni in Durham, have lived for the past 30-odd years in Surrey, but am originally from south-east Northumberland (or North Tyneside as it later became.)

[Spice Cat]

Posted by Dave Hopkin on 26/02/2015 23:20:42:

Take the test **LINK**

Happy to say I am 0% Northern and probably live somewhere in Jersey.

[TheFlyingCrust]

The test says I'm from the Hull area!!

Born in the Midlands and lived in Dorset since I wuz 3 i.e. 59 years. Maybe I just like Yorkshire.

Ian

[Martin Harris - Moderator]

I went through life happy in the knowledge that and I was Hertfordshire born and raised and my grandparents were from the Portsmouth and Bath/Bristol areas (although one grandfather was born in Gainsborough he had moved to Bath as a child. Imagine how I felt when I traced his side of the family back to the Preston area - and hastily abandoned the research when I discovered that my great great great grandfather was from Liverpool!

No doubt that explains my 38% (Oxford latitude) rating. I will need to work hard to reduce my Northerness...especially as my mother moving to Hebden Bridge next week (near my sister who married a Yorkshireman - there's a black sheep in every family!) means that I will need to organise the odd expedition to the land of dark satanic mills and frothy beer.

Edited By Martin Harris on 27/02/2015 23:43:40

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

A beer is like a modeller, needs a proper head on it

John

[cymaz]

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."

The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she replied.

"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"

[kevin b]

Posted by Martin Harris on 27/02/2015 23:40:13:

I went through life happy in the knowledge that and I was Hertfordshire born and raised and my grandparents were from the Portsmouth and Bath/Bristol areas (although one grandfather was born in Gainsborough he had moved to Bath as a child. Imagine how I felt when I traced his side of the family back to the Preston area - and hastily abandoned the research when I discovered that my great great great grandfather was from Liverpool!

No doubt that explains my 38% (Oxford latitude) rating. I will need to work hard to reduce my Northerness...especially as my mother moving to Hebden Bridge next week (near my sister who married a Yorkshireman - there's a black sheep in every family!) means that I will need to organise the odd expedition to the land of dark satanic mills and frothy beer.

Edited By Martin Harris on 27/02/2015 23:43:40

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