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ken anderson.

By ken anderson.,
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Eagle 899

Eagle 899

Posted
Posted

Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per pint of beer?
Man: £3.00
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs £3 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending around £270 each month.
In one year, it would be approximately £3,240 ...correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend £3,240 not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at £64,800.00 correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: So................ where's your Ferrari then?

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john stones 1 - Moderator

john stones 1 - Moderator

Posted
Posted
Posted by Steve Hargreaves - Moderator on 30/12/2015 17:55:04:

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

'Talking Dog For Sale '

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard'

catteeth 2

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Mowerman

Mowerman

Posted
Posted

At the beginning of December I decided to get all my Xmas cards away early so went to the post office and bought 4 books of second class and one book of first class stamps, The lady behind the counter asked for £23+

HOW MUCH ? I said

Now you mustn't use that 'Yorkshire war cry' in here she said blush

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  • 2 weeks later...
Peter Miller

Peter Miller

Posted
Posted

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted a fifty and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on model airplanes instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't built models in over 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
The man replied, "That's okay. It’s important for her to see what happens to a man after giving up drinking and flying!”

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Keith Berriman

Keith Berriman

Posted
Posted

My Hard Drive Is Full This made me feel better so I am sharing It with you Forum Members

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline Mentally with age it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brain, scientist believe. Much like a Computer struggles as the Hard Drive gets full so, too, do humans it takes longer to access information when the brain are full

Researches say this slowing down process is not the same as Cognitive Decline. The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the Contrary they simply know more. Also older people often go to get something and when they get there they stand wandering what they came for ? it is not a memory problem it is natures way of making older people do more exercise SO THERE

Now when I reach for a word or a name or construct an aircraft kit I won`t excuse myself by saying " I am having a Senior Moment " Now I can say " My disc is getting full "

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