Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[Nigel Day]

A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has, so he asks his border collie to count them.

The dog runs into the field, counts them and runs back.

The farmer says "how many?"

The dog says "40."

The farmer is suprised and says "How can there be 40 - I only bought 38!"

The dog says "Yes, but I rounded them up."

[Nigel Day]

I asked my boss "What do you want me to do with this roll of bubble-wrap?"

He said "Pop it in the corner"

Four hours it took me!

[Nigel Day]

Four people with light-coloured hair are ordering a few rounds of drinks.

Each time they get up, they toast and say "Fourteen weeks," then they down their drinks.

The bartender finally asks them "What's the deal?"

"Well", says one, "we bought a boxed puzzle. It said on the side '2 to 6 years - and we did it in fourteen weeks!"

[Eagle 899]

Mooching around in Morrisons this morning, slowly losing the will to live whilst waiting for SWMBO to finish spending, I noticed this and it made me smile Oxymoronic?

[Daithi O Buitigh]

"How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: "We'll fix it in software."

"How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: "We'll document it in the manual."

"How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: "The user can work it out."

"How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: "Let's define darkness as the industry standard."

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

Posted by Nigel Day on 28/01/2016 12:29:01:

I asked my boss "What do you want me to do with this roll of bubble-wrap?"

He said "Pop it in the corner"

Four hours it took me!

Nice to hear from you.

John

[cymaz]

Saw this somewhere....

" Do you think the person who invented the word Diarrhoea had to write it down very quickly ? "

[Peter Miller]

No. He probably had plenty of time but the paper was difficult to write on

[Nigel Day]

Just temorarily lost my building mojo John. I'll be back.....

[Josip Vrandecic -Mes]

OMG

 

**LINK**

Edited By Josip Vrandecic -Mes on 03/02/2016 20:27:43

[cymaz]

Posted by Josip Vrandecic -Mes on 03/02/2016 20:27:22:

OMG

**LINK**

Edited By Josip Vrandecic -Mes on 03/02/2016 20:27:43

What a complete and utter numbskull

[Dave Hopkin]

Posted by cymaz on 03/02/2016 21:07:37:

Posted by Josip Vrandecic -Mes on 03/02/2016 20:27:22:

OMG

**LINK**

Edited By Josip Vrandecic -Mes on 03/02/2016 20:27:43

What a complete and utter numbskull

There are certain people that should not be allowed to reproduce

[Peter Miller]

If he had any more brains he would be a halfwit.

[John Privett]

Almost a Darwin Awards candidate. He probably hasn't a clue about the dangers involved in what he did...

[Biggles' Elder Brother - Moderator]

Right from the very first second you start cringing don't you - you just sit there agast wondering "what does he think he's doing?"

BEB

Edited By Biggles' Elder Brother - Moderator on 03/02/2016 21:56:51

[Josip Vrandecic -Mes]

Top Gun -North Korean Style :

 

**LINK**

Edited By Josip Vrandecic -Mes on 23/02/2016 09:42:52

[Biggles' Elder Brother - Moderator]

Very funny Jo. I loved the credits!

BEB

[ken anderson.]

a man lying on his death bed tells his wife..."i have a confession...i was unfathfull to you....."

 

she says............ "i know-that's why i poisoned you"... ......

 

ken anderson....ne....1 ..... laughter dept.

Edited By ken anderson. on 06/03/2016 09:28:50

[Daithi O Buitigh]

Honest - it just appeared in front of me!

Edited By Daithi O Buitigh on 06/03/2016 17:11:17

[ken anderson.]

one to share with you all..............

a lad was watching an act at the local club...he said it was that bad....... a lad in a wheel chair in the front row got up and walked out! ...

ken anderson....ne.....1..... 2016 laughter dept.

[ken anderson.]

a Ronnie Corbett one....god bless him....

two ships in the channel collided .......................... one carrying red paint ..... the other carrying purple paint ..... the crew were marooned ...

ken anderson...ne....1 RC fan club dept.

[Josip Vrandecic -Mes]

A habit is the strongest force in the Universe.....Respect the nature please....

**LINK**

Edited By Josip Vrandecic -Mes on 28/04/2016 08:46:28

[Phil Brooks]

Thank you Jo.

[Nigel Day]

Wow! Thanks Jo.

[Steve Colman]

Excellent, thoroughly enjoyable.