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ken anderson.

By ken anderson.,
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ken anderson.

ken anderson.

Posted
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what about the man who died and went to the afterlife...his wife decided to attend a spiritism evening....

the host said" i'm in touch with someone called Bert"...

"that's him said the wife"...

he says" he's flying every day,he swims most days and a couple of times a week he's meeting up with chick's.."

what say's his wife...".he couldn't bear to fly,he hated water and as for chick's...i'll kill; him..."

the medium comes back...….he say's he's now a Duck...…emotion

ken anderson...ne..1...Duck dept.

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  • 4 weeks later...
john davidson 1

john davidson 1

Posted
Posted

An american on a golfing holiday in ST Andrews got chatting to a local golfer and asked if they could play a round together tomorrow

The local said he would like that and suggested a time on the tee of nine am, but he might be half an hour late

Both turned up at nine and teed off. The american played well but the local just managed to win.

The american sugested a return match , the local said alright , nine am again but I might be half an hour late

As before they met at nine and set off, the american immediately said "you were playing right handed clubs yesterday but today left handed"

"yes" the local said "I am ambidexrous and have two sets of clubs and can play equally well with either"

"how do you decide which clubs to use"

"well when I waken I look over at my wife and if she lies on her right side I use my right handed set, and if she lies on her left, the left handed set"

" Ah but what if she lies on her back?"

"Then I would be half an hour late!"

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Bruce Collinson

Bruce Collinson

Posted
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Also reminds me of the wife asking soppy questions of the husband. I'll skip the quotation marks, you can wiggle your two fingers by your ears instead.

if I died, would you re-marry?

Well yes, I think I would.

Wife, crestfallen. H says I'm no good at living alone and I'm so used to being well looked after etc.

Wife perks up a bit. Would you sell the house and move? H; no, I'd want to stay here. You've made our home so nice, shame to sell it.

Wife; does that mean you'd be sharing "our" bed with your new wife?

H: well, it's a very comfy bed and it's nearly new ...

W; what about my car?

H; if I sold it any time soon the depreciation would be eye watering. I'd want to keep running it for a while yet.

W; so would she use my golfclubs too?

H: no.

W: why not? she'd be using everything else!

H: she's left handed.

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Richard Acland

Richard Acland

Posted
Posted

Tiger Woods wanders into a bar. He sees Stevie wonder sitting at a table and sits down with him. Hi Steve Tiger woods here, hows it going. Fine says Steve working on some new music, how about you. Good says Tiger working on my putting which needs to improve. Same here says Stevie my putting is not that good. You play golf says Tiger. Yes says Stevie, played for years. If you dont mind me asking says Tiger dont you fnd being blind a bit of a problem.Not really says Stevie I have friend who stands on the fairway and whistles. With my hearing I can drop the ball at his feet. What about putting says Tiger, same thing says Stevie he stands with his feet either side of the cup and whistles. Well says Tiger we must have a game sometime. Yes says Stevie but I must warn you I like a heavy side bet, nothing less than $10,000. Great says Tiger smiling to himself. You name a time and place. I dont mind says Stevie any night next week will do.

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