Peter Miller Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 If it doesn't return I want my money back!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daithi O Buitigh Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 But - first you've got to throw it!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J D 8 Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 Made me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Pearce 4 Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 The people of Dubai just don't like the Flintstones. But the people of Abu Dhabi do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daithi O Buitigh Posted August 11, 2020 Share Posted August 11, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Acland Posted August 11, 2020 Share Posted August 11, 2020 Posted by ken anderson. on 02/07/2020 10:07:12: my wife has just gone and burnt our Hawaiian pizza...well and truly!...... I told her she should have used Aloha heat setting.... ken anderson...ne...1...pizza dept. Bit like my wife. She uses the smoke alarm as an oven timer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daithi O Buitigh Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 You realise you're giving your age away when someone starts talking about 'The Avengers' and you immedately think of......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 I woke up in the pitch black, turned over to the bedside light and thought, “ that’s not on” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daithi O Buitigh Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 Posted by cymaz on 22/08/2020 21:07:15: I woke up in the pitch black, turned over to the bedside light and thought, “ that’s not on” Now if you'd stayed awake a bit longer it would have dawned on you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 Fed up with tired skin, kiss goodbye to Wrinkles. Well, you have to before Gran passes away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken anderson. Posted August 25, 2020 Author Share Posted August 25, 2020 lad at the calendar factory has been sacked for taking a week off! … ken anderson...ne...1.....laughter dept. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J D 8 Posted August 25, 2020 Share Posted August 25, 2020 Posted by Daithi O Buitigh on 16/08/2020 22:54:27: You realise you're giving your age away when someone starts talking about 'The Avengers' and you immedately think of......... There was an episode of the Avengers where RC aircraft and boats were used as a means of assassination . Great stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted August 25, 2020 Share Posted August 25, 2020 The difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? One’s very heavy, the other is a little lighter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john stones 1 - Moderator Posted August 25, 2020 Share Posted August 25, 2020 Posted by cymaz on 25/08/2020 22:24:56: The difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? One’s very heavy, the other is a little lighter That's terrible, but funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daithi O Buitigh Posted August 25, 2020 Share Posted August 25, 2020 On the same line - what is the difference between a buffalo and a bison? Did you ever try washing your face in a buffalo? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Robson Posted August 25, 2020 Share Posted August 25, 2020 A Sandpiper is a bird, dahn Saff they use it to smooth wood' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 The Flat Earth Society are worried that social distancing will push people over the edge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin b Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 The spirit of Doddy lives on !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 I’ve never eaten elephant. Although I’ve been told, once you have, you’ll never forget it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Robson Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 I've ate a jumbo hot dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyinBrian Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 Posted by cymaz on 30/08/2020 22:37:57: I’ve never eaten elephant. Although I’ve been told, once you have, you’ll never forget it. If you do then make sure its African because if its Asian you will be hungry again in two hours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daithi O Buitigh Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 If you want to try something different, possibly imported from the melting tundra in Siberia, there are some shops advertising a mammoth sale Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daithi O Buitigh Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Manuel Posted September 5, 2020 Share Posted September 5, 2020 An Obituary printed in the London Times.......Brilliant!! Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; - Life isn't always fair; - And maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, -by his parents, Truth and Trust, -by his wife, Discretion, -by his daughter, Responsibility, -and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 5 stepchildren; - I Know My Rights - I Want It Now - Someone Else Is To Blame - I'm A Victim - Pay me for Doing Nothing Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J D 8 Posted September 5, 2020 Share Posted September 5, 2020 Spot on Gary, all true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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