Jump to content

Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.


ken anderson.

Recommended Posts

Advert


12 hours ago, cymaz said:

Anyone else remember Esso Tiger Tokens and the glasses you could collect. This pilot is going to have quite a collection

at work we had 3 HGV wagons...when the drivers filled up they came out with dozens of glass and then the tiger tokens...and dished them out among the lads..

 

ken anderson..ne..1.....glasses dept.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Alex Ferguson 2 said:

EvilC57's picture of a Buccaneer at the petrol station. I thought you lot were out of petrol, pumps were empty and then he turns up. Probably "panic buying" by the air force.

Does anyone remember the oil tanker that was wrecked on some rocks off Cornwall...I seem to remember that it was the Torrey Canyon.

The ironic thing was that it was Buccaneers that bombed it to set the oil on fire

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

                 Torrey Canyon ran aground on the Pollards rock of the seven sisters reef between Lands end and the Scilly's in 1967, at the time the largest ever ship wreak.

  There was no plan on how to sort the mess so burning it off was the best they could come up with.

  Hunter's from RNAS Brawdy here in Pembrokeshire also bombed the Torrey Canyon. I saw the Hunters forming up overhead with 1000lbers on the hard points before heading off to the target.

  For years after tar ball's some of them the size of the biggest pumpkins would come ashore on beaches around here  the result of the heavy crude congealing on the seabed and being rolled along by the action of the sea.

   As youngsters we would have fun setting them on fire and setting any old aerosol we found on top to explode:classic_biggrin:

    My Mam was none to happy about the lumps of tar stuck to my clothing though.:classic_ohmy:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.

What a pity Kulula doesn't fly internationally - we should support them if only for their humour:
 
 
On a Kulula flight , (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want), passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing their seats, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people, we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
 
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies & gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
 
And from the pilot during his welcome message:
 
"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted.

From a Kulula employee:
"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
 
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
 
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
 
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
 
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

On landing , the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
 
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
 
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
 
Finally, everyone had got off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
 
She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"

The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?
 
 

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I nearly fell out of my chair ?

 

Still think you're having a bad day?*

 

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

 

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door.

 

She called for an ambulance and because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

 

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled petrol with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet. 

 

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.   He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

 

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming.   Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

 

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.....

 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...