Christopher Wolfe Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 On 23/08/2023 at 16:06, Brian Cooper said: So, when the culprit was apprehended, was this a hanging offence? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Cripps Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Harris - Moderator Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 4 hours ago, Christopher Wolfe said: So, when the culprit was apprehended, was this a hanging offence? I heard he got a pasting in the cells. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 If B&Q sold paint the same way TheTrainline.com sells tickets: Customer: Hi, how much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends. Customer: Depends on what? Clerk: Actually, a lot of things. Customer: How about giving me an average price Clerk: Wow, that’s too hard a question. The lowest price is £9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to £200 a gallon. Customer: What’s the difference in the paint? Clerk: Oh, there isn’t any difference; it’s all the same paint. Customer: Well, then, I’d like some of that £9 paint. Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it? Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off. Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the £200 paint. Customer: What? When would I have to paint in order to get the £9 version? Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday. Customer: You’ve got to be kidding! Clerk: Sir, we don’t kid around here. Of course, I’ll have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you. Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me? You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right there. Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn’t mean that we have it. It may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went to £12. Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking! Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven’t actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I would suggest that you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want? Customer: I don’t know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough. Clerk: Oh, no, sir, you can’t do that. If you buy the paint and then don’t use it, you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have. Customer: What? Clerk: That’s right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and main bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs. Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it! Clerk: Sir, there’s no point in getting upset; that’s just the way it is. We make plans based upon the idea that you will use all the paint, and when you don’t, it just causes us all sorts of problems. Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don’t keep painting until after Saturday night! Clerk: Yes, sir, it will. Customer: Well, that does it! I’m going somewhere else to buy my paint. Clerk: That won’t do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. Thanks for painting with our train. 3 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul De Tourtoulon Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 3 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin b Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 Frankie Dettori controversy - kiss was non consensual says horse. 5 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin b Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 2 1 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilC57 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 6 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Wolfe Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 On 02/09/2023 at 20:55, Martin Harris - Moderator said: I heard he got a pasting in the cells. For a stick up offence? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Harris - Moderator Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 We’re on a roll with these puns…but there seems to be a pattern emerging. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john stones 1 - Moderator Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 Woodchip in but I'm plumb outa puns. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Martin Harris - Moderator said: We’re on a roll with these puns…but there seems to be a pattern emerging. Might be gingham but I’ll check it out Edited September 3, 2023 by cymaz 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zflyer Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 time to give it the brush off or ask Matt to Finish it as the Gloss has gone off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 3 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin b Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted September 5, 2023 Share Posted September 5, 2023 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Harris - Moderator Posted September 5, 2023 Share Posted September 5, 2023 Tell me about it… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin b Posted September 5, 2023 Share Posted September 5, 2023 5 hours ago, Martin Harris - Moderator said: Tell me about it… Does it invlove a large van turning up full of doggie treats ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheepish Posted September 5, 2023 Share Posted September 5, 2023 2 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted September 6, 2023 Share Posted September 6, 2023 3 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted September 6, 2023 Share Posted September 6, 2023 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted September 6, 2023 Share Posted September 6, 2023 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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