Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[alex nicol]

Try this, pilots vs maintenance crew, it's really funny

https://aviationhumor.net/pilots-vs-maintenance-engineers/

[alex nicol]

old couple go to the doc's, hubby's a bit deaf and feeling under the weather.

doc says, I'm going to need a stool sample, semen sample And a urine sample

the old boy says .............Pardon

doc says a bit louder, I need a stool, sample, semen sample and a urine sample

the old boy says ...............pardon

The wife leans over and says give him your pants

[Robert Cracknell]

"Doctor, I think I am Mickey Mouse"....

Doctor "You're just suffering from Disney spells"

Doctor "I think I am Tom Jones. Is this rare?"

Doctor " it's not unusual"

[Peter Miller]

I really love the Terry Pratchett one.

I have actually seen the RAF Form 700 (Aircraft log) Entry

P: "Mouse in aircraft"

Ground crew: "TRap set. Aircraft serviceable to fly"

[Peter Miller]

And this is one that I keep on my favourites

**LINK**

[Shaun Walsh]

The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair is on sundial.

Edited By Shaun Walsh on 05/10/2018 11:03:27

Edited By Shaun Walsh on 05/10/2018 11:03:47

[FastFlyer Smyth]

You can tell an ant's gender by putting it in water.

If it sinks girl ant, If it floats buoyant.

[KiwiKid]

Careful what you wish for.

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

Posted by Shaun Walsh on 05/10/2018 11:03:12:
The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair is on sundial.

Edited By Shaun Walsh on 05/10/2018 11:03:27

Edited By Shaun Walsh on 05/10/2018 11:03:47

[The Wright Stuff]

Posted by KiwiKid on 05/10/2018 14:00:18:

Careful what you wish for.

Outstanding!!!

[John Privett]

I had to laugh at part of the video accompanying this article on the BBC News website yesterday about the self-shredding Banksy artwork.

To remind you, this was a framed Banksy picture that unexpectedly shredded itself (or mostly) immediately after being sold last week for £860,000 at Sotheby's.

Banksy (apparently) uploaded a video showing how the artwork and frame were assembled and that it was meant to toally shred the picture, not stop two-thirds of the way through.

So what made me laugh?

Have a look at a partial screen-grab from the video, and wonder for a moment at the asbestos fingers the technician actor in the video must have had to be able to use a soldering iron like this...

[Daithi O Buitigh]

Actually John it's not that uncommon. I used to clean the tip of an iron by flicking my fingertip over it (it was just a learned knack).

Anyone who has used soldering irons on a daily basis can do that - the trick is in knowing HOW to do it

[Shaun Walsh]

Posted by Daithi O Buitigh on 19/10/2018 22:26:31:

Actually John it's not that uncommon. I used to clean the tip of an iron by flicking my fingertip over it (it was just a learned knack).

Anyone who has used soldering irons on a daily basis can do that - the trick is in knowing HOW to do it

Alternatively, see the quote from the film "Lawrence of Arabia" below

Potter: [trying to copy Lawrence's snuffing a match with his fingers] Oooh! It damn well hurts.

Lawrence: Certainly it hurts.

Potter: Well, what's the trick then?

Lawrence: The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.

Edited By Shaun Walsh on 20/10/2018 07:55:35

[Peter Miller]

I think that the point is that the soldering iron is not just being flicked but gripped firmly on the hot part that contains the heating element.

Doing that will burn deep into the flesh. I am sure that those of us who do regular soldering will realise that.

Of course I could be wrong. PLEASE if I am wrong can I watch anyone who says I am wrong soldering like that? I am a sadist!!!!

[John Privett]

Quite right Peter!

And if somebody is going to demonstrate gripping an iron that way, I'm not quite sure if I want to watch or not!

[Fun Flyer]

Posted by Peter Miller on 20/10/2018 08:19:14:

Of course I could be wrong. PLEASE if I am wrong can I watch anyone who says I am wrong soldering like that? I am a sadist!!!!

I suppose that's why you keep tormenting us mere mortals with endless excellent designs!!

[Peter Miller]

Posted by Fun Flyer on 20/10/2018 11:41:07:

Posted by Peter Miller on 20/10/2018 08:19:14:

Of course I could be wrong. PLEASE if I am wrong can I watch anyone who says I am wrong soldering like that? I am a sadist!!!!

I suppose that's why you keep tormenting us mere mortals with endless excellent designs!!

Well it is more fun that holding hot soldering irons!!!

[Don Fry]

I dropped a 200 watt iron, hot, onto a sandaled foot this summer. Did I sing, laugh and dance.

[Peter Miller]

Back in about 1955 I reached out to pick up a big 75 Wall solderingiron, one with a bit about 1" wide.

Unfortunately I grabbed the wrong end.

I still have that iron and it still works,

[Peter Miller]

" I just opened the throttle and...Waddaya mean, Its MODE 1 !"

Edited By Peter Miller on 07/12/2018 12:09:30

[Barry W]

First Christmas Joke:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
'These are Carols.'

Edited By David Ashby - Moderator on 23/12/2018 18:58:13

[cymaz]

NEWS FLASH,,,,!!

Queen to reveal new coin for Brexit......

[Daithi O Buitigh]

Barry W: please stop with the racist jokes. They aren't funny.

[Gary Manuel]

Posted by Daithi O Buitigh on 23/12/2018 17:17:58:

Barry W: please stop with the racist jokes. They aren't funny.

I love racist jokes. I hate political correctness

What do you call a Welshman holding the Rugby World Cup? The engraver.

Edited By Gary Manuel on 23/12/2018 18:40:27

[Erfolg]

The people of Ireland are held win high esteem by the people of the UK, and with great affection. The jokes are friendly in nature.

Just try living wit Hun, Jerry type jibes which make it into the top 10 of racial offensive wordings.