cymaz Posted October 31, 2021 Share Posted October 31, 2021 My mate’s been at it again 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 Doing an “all nighter “ at nearly 60 means NOT getting up at 3am for the toilet...? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Cracknell Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 Old age is taking all night to do what you used to do all night...! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Cracknell Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 Woman has 8 children...Doctor said "What do you attribute you large family to..?" She said "It is all the fault of my hearing doctor". "How so..?" the doctor asks. "Well" she said..."Each night my husband asks "Do you want to go to sleep or what?" and because I cant hear I say "What".......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 For him and her.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Miller Posted November 9, 2021 Share Posted November 9, 2021 Sign seen i my garage office. SO TRUE 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john davidson 1 Posted November 11, 2021 Share Posted November 11, 2021 It was mentioned to me today that Beyonces father was actually Roy Castle, however she never acknowledged this as she didn't want to be called Beyonce Castle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted November 15, 2021 Share Posted November 15, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extra slim Posted November 15, 2021 Share Posted November 15, 2021 Had a Carpenter come round last week to make me a double bed, he wanted money up front for the wood and now he’s gone and done a bunk!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extra slim Posted November 15, 2021 Share Posted November 15, 2021 Same fella was telling me he can throw a ball 1/2 mile for his dog and it’ll bring it back… I thought that’s a bit far fetched! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun Walsh Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 Just heard that a British vacuum cleaner manufacturer has bought the Co-op funeral directors. Some people think that's ok, I think they're Dyson with death! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john davidson 1 Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 A jockey was requested at short notice to ride a horse and as he had not ridden it before he asked the trainer what sort of tactics to employ. The trainer replied that she was a very good finisher, to keep in touch with the leaders and at 3 furlongs to go to give a tickle with the whip and stretch her out. Down to the start, good start, tucked in behind the leaders and as instructed at 3 furlong mark a light encouragement and they were in the lead, but all of a sudden a pork pie came flying over the barrier, caught him on the cheek then an empty champagne bottle hit his shoulder and nearly Knocked him out of the saddle, just as he had got his balance again a vol au vent hit his goggles , blinding him. When he managed to clear his vision the others were already over the line. As he reached the unsaddling enclosure the owner came storming up wanting to Know what went wrong when he was in the lead. Sorry boss he replied, I got hampered! The man who invented the cats eye was a very clever man, got the idea from cat's eyes reflected in a torch beam. Of course if the cat had been walking away he might have invented the pencil sharpener! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken anderson. Posted November 24, 2021 Author Share Posted November 24, 2021 ne.......1 divorce dept 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 Just had an argument with her Ladyship. Ha, I got the last word! “Yes Dear” ? 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Wolfe Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Christy Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 The wife’s dog died, so I got her another one.......she’s livid! ” What am I going to do with two dead dogs” She cried Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Acland Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 (edited) I'm not saying my wife is overweight, but this week she got on a "I speak your weight "machine and it said one at a time please!! Edited November 29, 2021 by Richard Acland Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Acland Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 A little girl is sitting on grandads knee, can you make a noise like a frog grandad she asks. Yes of course I can grandad replies, but why would I do that. Well the little girl replies, Mummy said that when you croak we are all going to Disneyland!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted November 30, 2021 Share Posted November 30, 2021 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Wolfe Posted December 1, 2021 Share Posted December 1, 2021 When your as poor as hell, but still need motor mounts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J D 8 Posted December 1, 2021 Share Posted December 1, 2021 ? A good adjustable spanner is not cheap but then when a "Spanner" is fixing things who knows what happens.? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Harris - Moderator Posted December 1, 2021 Share Posted December 1, 2021 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted December 1, 2021 Share Posted December 1, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff Peacock Posted December 2, 2021 Share Posted December 2, 2021 It’s December, winter’s here, but… I refuse to put snow tyres on my car, because: It’s my car, my choice, my freedom.The effectiveness of snow tyres is not proven, except by studies carried out by tyre manufacturers and the government. My neighbour had an accident after putting on snow tyres: this proves how dangerous they are. Some are already on their third set of snow tyres: this proves their ineffectiveness.We do not know what snow tyres are made of.Winter is a worldwide hoax created by the tyre companies to scare us and thus enrich themselves. In fact, the tyre companies invented snow: they spread it at night while you sleep. If you have snow tyres, the government can track you in the snow. Educate yourself, open your eyes, stop being sheep!This winter - snow tyres?!? Just say NO! You know it makes sense. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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