Brian Cooper Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they were still walking about with it. I thought to myself, . . . they've lost the plot! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extra slim Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 Just in case you heard my news last night and was concerned, my triangle broke that I play in my reggae band, but don't worry, I’ve welded it back together now, so every little ting gonna be alright! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 Did you hear about the bloke who replaced the marital bed with a trampoline? His wife hit the roof. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extra slim Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 In better news, i've just fitted some wheels to my caravan... i'm ex-static 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 Heat. For all those who are suffering during the current heatwave, not being able to go flying, etc, just be thankful it isn't heavy snow. Having to shovel snow in this heat would be unbearable! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Miller Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 I don't know what everyone is complaining about. In Aden we were working 12 hours a day in temperatures of 44.3C And I can prove that!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Fry Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 26 minutes ago, Peter Miller said: I don't know what everyone is complaining about. In Aden we were working 12 hours a day in temperatures of 44.3C And I can prove that!! Arrrrrrrrrrrr, thin, fit, 20 year old racing whippet? Now being fat, good as you get at 70, worn out joints, need me sleep, I found the temperature round and outside my house today, a trial. About 44C. And I’m fed up with BBQ food, and I want to eat something better. (A mullet curry hit the spot). And I don’t want siestas. And I don’t like getting up at dawn to walk the dog. And I don’t live in a God forsaken corner of Africa. I’ve tasted Army food. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Miller Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 I bought a new car a couple of weeks ago. After 2 days, I took it back to the garage and asked for a full refund. “ What’s the issue ? “ Asked the salesman. ” It won’t go over 60 up our road”. I replied ” Well, why is that a problem?” Answered the salesman ” I live at number 84” I said........... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 Did you know, there’s no junction 3 on the M1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Manuel Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 (edited) 30 minutes ago, cymaz said: Did you know, there’s no junction 3 on the M1 Ah, That'll be the junction number reserved for the cancelled M1/A1 link road where Scratchwood Services are now which should have joined the A1 at Stirling Corner. Edited July 15, 2022 by Gary Manuel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 I was reading this book today: "The History of Glue." I couldn't put it down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin b Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 17 minutes ago, Brian Cooper said: I was reading this book today: "The History of Glue." I couldn't put it down. I've been reading a lot of books about class "A" drugs. They're quite addictive. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny. . . . You couldn't swing a cat in there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extra slim Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 strange thing happened to me today, someone has just thrown a joss stick at me.....I'm incensed!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken anderson. Posted July 16, 2022 Author Share Posted July 16, 2022 there's a lot of swearing in Star Wars........that's why they Bleeped out a lot of R2D2's stuff... ken anderson...ne...1...may the force be with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 2 minutes ago, ken anderson. said: there's a lot of swearing in Star Wars........that's why they Bleeped out a lot of R2D2's stuff... ken anderson...ne...1...may the force be with you. He can swear like a (Storm) Trooper 🤢 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin b Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 I was sent this by an Australian friend. The Geography of a Woman as she ages: Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel. Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business . Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and Russia. Ruled by a pair of nuts! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun Walsh Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 Yesterday somebody told me that Dwarf jokes are politically incorrect, but Hey-Ho. 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martian Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 21 hours ago, Brian Cooper said: I was reading this book today: "The History of Glue." I couldn't put it down. Stick with it 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Harris - Moderator Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 It’s gripping stuff… 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 3 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 News Report....... A burglar has broken into Boris Johnson’s library and stolen all the books. That’s a shame, as he hadn’t coloured in 3 of them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martin collins 1 Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 On 15/07/2022 at 22:12, Brian Cooper said: I was reading this book today: "The History of Glue." I couldn't put it down. These sort of jokes help the forum members bond with one another 🙄 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 2 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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