Brian Cooper Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE YOUR HOME SECURE.. Due to the rising crime in my local area - and the fact that the police can't be bothered to respond to 999 calls - I have torn out my home security system and resigned from the Neighbourhood Watch Program. I have now installed a Palestinian flag on my front door, an Iranian flag on my lawn and the black flag of ISIS waves from my roof. I now have local police; a unit of the Met Anti-Terrorist force; MI5; MI6. and a couple of lads from the S.A.S that are now watching my house 24/7. I've never felt more secure in my life.. 5 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Christy Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J D 8 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 I had a cat like that one above. Gingernut, he would take on anything that came his way. One day I heard the milk tanker arrive on the yard, after a bit I heard a couple of toots, went to investigate driver said cat just would not move! On another occasion cat was sat in the middle of the lane as usual when a walker came along with a large dog, dog was on a lead but slipped his collar and tore down towards Gingernut who as usual did not move. At he last moment dog twigged this and tried to dodge to one side, out came a paw with a bunch of five claws which caught dog on the nose, after a terrible yelp dog ran back to owner bleeding a plenty. "Look what you cat did" she shouted. I just shrugged shoulders. I after many years still miss that cat. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extra slim Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 42 minutes ago, J D 8 said: I had a cat like that one above. Gingernut, he would take on anything that came his way. One day I heard the milk tanker arrive on the yard, after a bit I heard a couple of toots, went to investigate driver said cat just would not move! On another occasion cat was sat in the middle of the lane as usual when a walker came along with a large dog, dog was on a lead but slipped his collar and tore down towards Gingernut who as usual did not move. At he last moment dog twigged this and tried to dodge to one side, out came a paw with a bunch of five claws which caught dog on the nose, after a terrible yelp dog ran back to owner bleeding a plenty. "Look what you cat did" she shouted. I just shrugged shoulders. I after many years still miss that cat. Reminds me of our long haired ginger rescued psycho feline. He would sit on the 8ft wall surrounding the house like a statue. My brother and I would argue and fight as to whose turn it was. Whose it was to run out and peel him off the unsuspecting Sunday afternoon stroller who reached up to tickle his chin, not knowing his favourite hobby was to launch himself off the wall and try and rip one’s throat out. Oh happy days, still have the scars as a memory of that little cutie 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun Walsh Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Our neutered ginger tom cat would regularly see off the local foxes, we used to call him "Ginger No Nuts". 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Harris - Moderator Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 I had a caravan when I was living at a gliding club for a while and was adopted by the club mouser. When I say mouser, he had delusions of grandeur and concentrated his efforts on decimating the rabbit population. Despite the extensive larder available to him, I fed him each night and installed a cat flap. This was converted to a cat valve the morning after finding not only the unpalatable remains of a rabbit's entrails but the head and neck of a stoat under my bed. After some months I happened to look under the caravan afor some reason nd it was like a scene from The Killing Fields movie with rabbit skulls as far as the eye could see! The cat had a reputation for unprovoked attacks on hands that stroked it but never drew any (of my) blood. He did have a habit of suddenly wrapping his paws/claws around an arm and gripping my hand with his teeth after some time of being stroked - scary stuff at first but I quickly realised that he wasn't trying to inflict damage. I suspect others had instinctively pulled away leaving shredded flesh and dripping blood... 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 2 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Christy Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce Collinson Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 1 hour ago, Brian Cooper said: As a confirmed Beemer driver, I would just say in mitigation that mine appears to be the only car which ever indicates correctly at the mini roundabout in the next village. Must be OCD. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J D 8 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 My old land rover's steering lock is just not tight enough to go around a mini roundabout, so over I go. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Fry Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 I used to pee on mine to defrost the windscreen. And before you lot start thinking fire engines, as in stand on the bonnet and pee. I also liked the automatic ashtray. No door sill so the fag ends fell out as they accumulated. Not a dainty girlfriend magnet. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Gray Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 5 minutes ago, Don Fry said: Not a dainty girlfriend magnet. Oh I don’t know Don, the sight of you in Tesco’s car park standing on your bonnet peeing on your windscreen before you drive home should have them flocking. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Fry Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Not the sub zero degree version. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Gray Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Move along now, absolutely nothing to see here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff S Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 1 hour ago, J D 8 said: My old land rover's steering lock is just not tight enough to go around a mini roundabout, so over I go. You drive it with the steering locked? No wonder you turn over. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce Collinson Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 3 hours ago, J D 8 said: My old land rover's steering lock is just not tight enough to go around a mini roundabout, so over I go. Well obviously I do that too; it's a BMW after all, but at least I indicate whilst doing so. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Christy Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leccyflyer Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 3 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 Double yellows are reserved for BMWs 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul De Tourtoulon Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 1 hour ago, cymaz said: Double yellows are reserved for BMWs As are Handicapped spaces and pedestrian crossings. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Cooper Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 2 hours ago, cymaz said: Double yellows are reserved for BMWs Red traffic lights mean "GO" for BMWs. Lane 3 on a motorway is the BMW lane. . . They hate anyone trespassing in their lane. 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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