cymaz Posted March 6, 2021 Share Posted March 6, 2021 P A R A P R O S D O K I A N S The first time I heard about Paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. Sir Winston Churchill loved them! 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my List. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in Public. 6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left. 7. Knowledge, is knowing a Tomato is a Fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a Fruit Salad. 8. To steal ideas from one person is Plagiarism. To steal from many is Research. 9. I didn't say it was your Fault, I said I was blaming You. 10. In filling out an Application, where it says, "In case of an Emergency, notify" ....... I answered " A Doctor" 11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a Bald Head and a Beer Gut, and still think they are sexy. 12. You do not need a Parachute to Skydive. You only need a Parachute to Skydive twice. 13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. 14. To be sure of hitting the Target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the Target. 15. Going to Church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a Garage makes you a Car. 16. You're never too old to learn something Stupid. 17. I'm supposed to respect my Elders, but it's getting harder and harder for Me to find someone older than Me. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted March 6, 2021 Share Posted March 6, 2021 (edited) A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiac surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiac surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work. The cardiac surgeon paused, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic..... “Try doing it with the engine running." Edited March 6, 2021 by cymaz 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daithi O Buitigh Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 On 21/02/2021 at 22:33, Zflyer said: Cooking omelettes isnt all its cracked up to be.. Taxi ! Now that's a really bad yolk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Manuel Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 Not a funny. More of a smily! Worth a look anyway. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken anderson. Posted March 12, 2021 Author Share Posted March 12, 2021 lad attending a first aid course...................the instructor asks him"what would you do if your son swallowed the front door key"? he replies..."i would climb in through the kitchen window".. ? ken anderson...ne..1.... first aid dept. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Manuel Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 15 hours ago, cymaz said: Not the ending I was expecting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Robson Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 I once gave a pretty girl a lift in my car, she said she was a witch. i asked her to prove it so she gave me a kiss and I turned into a layby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 I found these on YouTube. There’s more and I think very funny. I recommend wearing some headphones as the sound is very entertaining 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Harris - Moderator Posted March 19, 2021 Share Posted March 19, 2021 A priest, a vicar and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse says to the rabbit, “What blood group are you?” The rabbit replies, “I’m probably a type 0.” 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff S Posted March 19, 2021 Share Posted March 19, 2021 6 hours ago, Martin Harris - Moderator said: A priest, a vicar and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse says to the rabbit, “What blood group are you?” The rabbit replies, “I’m probably a type 0.” Took me a few seconds but I got there in the end ? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken anderson. Posted March 19, 2021 Author Share Posted March 19, 2021 man catches his wife having an affair, says he is going to kill them both.he puts the gun to his head and tells her...i dont know why you are laughing...your next. ken anderson...ne...1..next dept. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J D 8 Posted March 19, 2021 Share Posted March 19, 2021 15 minutes ago, Geoff S said: Took me a few seconds but I got there in the end ? Took until second viewing until? I got it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Harris - Moderator Posted March 19, 2021 Share Posted March 19, 2021 Yes - when I first saw it I assumed there was something missing but it dawned when I re-read it - thought it was quite clever... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zflyer Posted March 19, 2021 Share Posted March 19, 2021 A Priest, Vicar and a Rabbi walk into a bar..... .... so much for blind faith. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Walby Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 Interesting take on the original ? "Weird Al" Yankovic - Smells Like Nirvana - YouTube Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad_flyer Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 (edited) And my favourite Weird Al Edited March 20, 2021 by Dad_flyer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 Very clever... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Manuel Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 That's Weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymaz Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 “Sir, are you stuck?” ”No Officer, I’m delivering a bridge” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Manuel Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Manuel Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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