Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[Bob Cotsford]

Excellent stuff, keep them coming

[cymaz]

Posted by Bob Cotsford on 19/12/2020 11:04:54:

Excellent stuff, keep them coming

I, of course, am far too young to understand any of the oap jokes

[Michael Willey 2]

Two old women in church. One turns to the other and says, "I've just let out a big silent fart, what should I do?" The other replied, "Get a new battery for your hearing aid".

When I lived in Tralee I saw a man stood outside the pub door smoking a cigarette. A guard came up to him and said, "You're not two meters from the door". He replied, "I'm in that pub over the road".

A friend of ours was working as a painter and decorator in a doctor's house. The doctor said to him, "I see you cover your mistakes with putty". He replied, "At least I don't use a shovel"

[cymaz]

And for those who have had the Covid vaccination......

[kevin b]

Can anybody help please ? One of our club members has lost his drone. Unfortunately, he let it get out of sight. This is the last photo it transmitted.

[cymaz]

We can deduce from the photo it was flying where it wasn’t suppose to be......best keep quiet on that one and hope the registration number has been well and truly chewed up

[Romeo Whisky]

[Dave Cunnington]

In the Xmas spirit, I hope it does not contravene the rules, but if so I will remove it.

Edited By Dave Cunnington on 21/12/2020 18:43:14

[Robert Parker]

Hi Kevin B,

Seeing your photo reminded me of a little problem I had at work a couple of years ago.

We had been refurbishing the welfare facilities at a factory that provides titanium for fan blades to Rolls Royce and the client had requested a full wall picture of a jet egine etched on pvc paneling, well the architect provided the contractor with a picture which was etched on the pvc and duely installed, which was not cheap by any means. The factory manager was invited to inspect the finished work. On seeing the engine he let out a whole load of expletives, it turned out that the engine in question on the wall, which even to me looked like a jet engine, was a Pratt & Whitney engine ooops.

The wall remained I believe but I know that employees of Rolls Royce pay regular visits I wonder what they think??

Regards

Robert

[Bruce Collinson]

Cricket news. The Indian Test team has been exempted from Corvid tests. Apparently they’re incapable of catching anything off a bat.

BTC

[kevin b]

[cymaz]

Passed on to me...

Unlikely announcement on a train

” There is now hot food being served on this service, as the buffet car is on fire”

[Shaun Walsh]

Posted by Bruce Collinson on 22/12/2020 20:00:50:

Cricket news. The Indian Test team has been exempted from Corvid tests. Apparently they’re incapable of catching anything off a bat.

BTC

Surely a Corvid test only determines whether you caught it from a member of the Crow family?

[barryt]

Excellent Shaun. Sharp today!

[Bruce Collinson]

Yes, glad you spotted it.

I bought a fancy German Christmas cake. It's disappeared.

Perhaps it was stol(l)en?

BTC

[Martin Harris - Moderator]

I thought I had one of those little cakey things with jam and cream - been searching everywhere...scone....

[Daithi O Buitigh]

Posted by Martin Harris on 24/12/2020 22:22:00:

I thought I had one of those little cakey things with jam and cream - been searching everywhere...scone....

Wasn't it brought up to Scotland where it turned to stone?

[cymaz]

Didn’t the Stuka dive bomber siren use a batter based product in WW2?

.

.

. The crumpets of Jericho. And jaeger bombs

Edited By cymaz on 24/12/2020 22:40:27

[Martin Harris - Moderator]

I hope you're not alluding to my (Scottish) wife's baking, Daithi?

Edited By Martin Harris on 24/12/2020 22:39:32

[Martin Harris - Moderator]

Posted by cymaz on 24/12/2020 22:38:49:

Didn’t the Stuka dive bomber siren use a batter based product in WW2?

 The crumpets of Jericho.

There's a lot of holes in that theory, Cymaz...

Edited By Martin Harris on 25/12/2020 00:51:54

[Daithi O Buitigh]

I've heard that if you have relatives round on Christmas day the police can force entry and make them go home. Do you think this is a free service or do you have to book ???

Edited By Daithi O Buitigh on 25/12/2020 05:49:56

[Christopher Wolfe]

A mate told me that his mother in law is an angel.

I replied that he was lucky...... as mine is still alive

[Peter Miller]

I said to the wife I like your mother in law than I like mine!!

Edited By Peter Miller on 25/12/2020 08:36:13

[kc]

Our local butchers has a blackboard outside with comments to amuse the people walking past.

a few years ago it had this-

 

a DOG IS NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS DAY........

........cook a few extra vegetables and you could make it last for Boxing Day too

Edited By kc on 25/12/2020 10:45:27

[cymaz]

Festive funny