Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[kc]

The point about the era when teachers threw chalk or blackboard rubbers at pupils is that pupils concentrated on the matter and consequently this saved 3 years education! Pupils were deemed to have learnt enough to start work at age 15. Of course it might have been that everyone facing the front and keeping silent during lessons that enabled more efficient teaching rather than the thrown chalk..........

[MAD Dave]

A school chum of mine struck back - ONCE. He carefully hollowed out the core of a chalk stick with the point of his compass and filled it with red match heads; carefully concealing it all by packing the open end with some of the powdered chalk he'd generated. He placed his loaded piece beside the blackboard shelf having first removed all the others. Next lesson, the teacher scribbles vigorously on the blackboard and, as a result of the friction, surprise, surprise, the chalk bursts into flames and burns the teacher's fingers. It took the teacher a microsecond to fathom the culprit's identity; it was more than a blackboard rubber that headed his way!

[Shaun Walsh]

In my 4th year our classroom was one of three prefabs that had been constructed in 1914. The only heating was a coal fired cast iron heater in the corner of the classroom. In winter we used to wrap match heads up in aluminium foil and try to flick them onto the stove where they would explode with a satisfying bang. The more adventurous would flick pieces of pencil eraser which would smoke and burn in a satisfactory manner much to the annoyance of the teacher.

[ken anderson.]

Tommy Cooper on the TV/repeat of his act other day....."they say it's 70 degree's in the shade....i'll stay in the Sun"

ken anderson...ne...1.just like that... dept.

[J D 8]

Like Dave above the teachers in my class [ 1st year secondary modern] never had to look far to find the trouble maker but proving it was another matter with Clive

Like others here our class room was an old nissen hut in its last year of use and it was linked to another hut by an extension used as cloak room.

One day Clive decided to set off the fire extinguisher that was in the cloakroom and squirt everyone with water, we all legged it outside as fast as possible.

Snag was the old cone extinguisher had been replaced with something new, a powder type that once started could not be stopped. Clive instantly disappeared in a white cloud and we all laughed as he crashed about the cloak room trying to find his way out

Shortly the our Headmaster with a look of thunder came out and demanded to know who had done it but no interrogation was needed as a ghostly Clive had found his way out and had scarpered . Problem was he left an easy to follow trail of white foot prints for the Headmaster to follow to his hiding place behind the canteen.

Last seen being lead away by the ear for an appointment with the cane.

[Doctor Chinnery]

Head of Chemistry would do his Flame Thrower trick to liven up dozey pupils - with one graceful sweep of his arm he would flick a gas tap on on the lab bench ( to supply gas to the Bunsen Burners ) and as he swung his arm back he flicked his Zippo that ignited the gas. Said gout of flame produced a satisfying reaction - but I doubt he'd get away with it these days! That was the end of the Fifties.

Same school some years earlier, we were taught O Level Latin by a Mr Tolkein ( not JRR, but a cousin ). He was notorious for his short fuse and instantaneous reactions - this particular afternoon was especially memorable as he'd by then run out of ammo ( both board rubbers and all the chalk! ) - can't remember what I'd said/done but all that was left on his desk was a huge brass bound Latin:English, English:Latin Dictionary - it missed me but took a slab of plaster out of the wall above my head. He never chucked anything bigger than a nub end of chalk at anybody after that!

[Daithi O Buitigh]

[cymaz]

I noticed your travel date

[KiwiKid]

Hey Ken et al, just noticed the milestone shown in the attached pic has been achieved. Great stuff and I know you and the regular contributors have brought a smile to many of the forumites over the years.

“ken anderson...ne..1.... tickling the funny bone (and pulling on the leg) since 2009 dept.”

[cymaz]

(Not mine)

”And here is a late football result. C3P.....0, R2D......2”

[Daithi O Buitigh]

Who would have believed back at the start of 2020 that we weould be able to walk into a bank wearing a mask and ask for money?

[Guest]

The banks have pre-emptied this problem of masked customers/bandits by closing branches

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

I still need to take a Shotgun though.

[cymaz]

Posted by john stones 1 Moderator on 02/01/2021 09:06:58:

I still need to take a Shotgun though.

I’ll have it back when you’ve finished with it

[cymaz]

opps ....posting Issues

Edited By cymaz on 02/01/2021 09:23:37

Edited By cymaz on 02/01/2021 09:24:10

[Ace]

 

 

 

Edited By Ace on 02/01/2021 09:29:32

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

Posted by cymaz on 02/01/2021 09:22:42:

Posted by john stones 1 Moderator on 02/01/2021 09:06:58:

I still need to take a Shotgun though.

I’ll have it back when you’ve finished with it

Police will bring it back, it has your prints on it.

[Toni Reynaud]

Thought of the day. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer then men who mention it!

Edited By Toni Reynaud on 02/01/2021 11:13:22

[Geoff Peacock]

Just a reminder to all,

6 January is twelfth night, so time to take the decorations and tree down, put them back in the loft, then get the sprouts on to boil for xmas 2021.

[kevin b]

Decorations ? What tree ?

I just ate the sprouts for tea (they were home grown and nice).

Bah humbug.

[cymaz]

The Americans call them egg plants, the British call them chickens

[Sparks]

Just remember, once you are over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

[Christopher Wolfe]

Here is a nice one from the cousins'

[Gary Manuel]

Anyone know any good jokes?

I can't think of any.

Where's Ken?

Edited By Gary Manuel on 08/01/2021 13:54:36

[ken anderson.]

Posted by KiwiKid on 01/01/2021 01:22:02:

Hey Ken et al, just noticed the milestone shown in the attached pic has been achieved. Great stuff and I know you and the regular contributors have brought a smile to many of the forumites over the years.

“ken anderson...ne..1.... tickling the funny bone (and pulling on the leg) since 2009 dept.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

hello KK,yes I've just read the post you made.....happy new year to you...tickling the funny bone sum's it all up really …...you cant beat a good laugh, even more so if someone else enjoys it...

ken anderson...ne..1...milestone dept....