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ken anderson.

By ken anderson.,
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Pete B

Pete B

Posted
Posted
Posted by john stones 1 on 12/04/2020 17:40:21:
Posted by ken anderson. on 12/04/2020 17:24:25:

things are getting tough in ne..1..land ...the seagulls are putting bread down for us..

ken anderson...ne..1...tough dept

You have bread ? surprise

Cut out the middle-man - eat the seagull....teeth 2

Pete

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Bruce Collinson

Bruce Collinson

Posted
Posted

I haven’t time to go back 109 posts so have we had these this time round?

Lockdown begins to bite.

The local Oregami shop has folded.

The bespoke brassiere maker has gone bust.

Artisan ice-cream maker has lost power and gone into liquidation.

Bonsai Bank is cutting down on branches. Samurai Bank has made deep cuts, although Ninja Bank says it’s still in the black despite some big hits. Sushi Bank claims to have had a raw deal which it says is fishy.

Loo roll maker has been wiped out, even though they thought they’d clean up. Business has gone down the pan.

Etc.

BTC

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Gary Manuel

Gary Manuel

Posted
Posted

Stewart and his wife Barbara go to the county fair every year,

And every year Stewart would say, "Barbara, I'd like to ride in that helicopter"

Barbara always replied,

"I know Stewart, but that helicopter ride is seventy quid, and seventy quid is seventy quid!"

One year later Stewart and Barbara went to the fair, and Stewart said, "Barbara,
I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"

To this, Barbara replied,

"Stewart, that helicopter ride is seventy quid, and seventy quid is seventy quid"

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both
of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word

I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's seventy quid. "

Stewart and Barbara agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Stewart and said, "By golly, I did everything
I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

I'm impressed!"

Stewart replied, "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Barbara fell out,

But you know, seventy quid is seventy quid!"

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  • 2 weeks later...
Brian Cooper

Brian Cooper

Posted
Posted

I cycled to the local shop for a bottle of gin so we didn't run out during the lockdown, but as I put it in my basket I thought, "What if I fall off my bike and break the bottle?"

So I drank it all outside the shop.

It's a good think that I did as I fell off the bike 7 times on the way home.

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Nigel Day

Nigel Day

Posted
Posted

Just asked a 6-year old if he understands why there is no school.  He said yes because they are out of toilet paper.

On the bright side, I am no longer calling this shelter-in-place. I am an artist-in-residence.

After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.

You’re not stuck at home, you're safe at home. One word can change your attitude and one cough can change your life.

Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food.  We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers and we get really excited about car rides.

If you thought toilet paper was crazy ... just wait until 300 million people all want a haircut appointment.

2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 years in April.

Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating.

If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.

This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.

Kinda starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.
 
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
 
You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers….
 
I swear my fridge just said: “what the hell do you want now?”

Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.

Edited By Nigel Day on 09/05/2020 08:12:52

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Nigel Day

Nigel Day

Posted
Posted

Fine thanks John, but not modelling. I hope everyone on here is staying OK too.

I've been following the jokes recently and thought that this latest lot were too good not to pass on. And they won't have given the mods and cause for concern either..... smileyyes

Edited By Nigel Day on 09/05/2020 17:40:11

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