Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[kevin b]

I am worried about the effect of current fads on all our lives, even if we don't want have anything to do with them.

Just as an example, this morning I opened my eyes and WOKE up.

[Brian Cooper]

[J D 8]

           You do know Brian that you are not the messiah, just a naughty little boy.

[Brian Cooper]

[Don Fry]

[paul devereux]

On 25/05/2023 at 15:03, Peter Miller said:

This is a genuine one that I photographed in Boots Optician

 

 

Work that one out!!!!!

The same opticians that offer "Eye tests while you wait", I presume?

[Geoff S]

9 hours ago, Don Fry said:

 

Glad I'm not the only Guardian reader on the site 🙂

[Shaun Walsh]

I asked my wife if she would like a "menage a trois". She said she wasn't keen on Belgian beer.

[kevin b]

23 minutes ago, Shaun Walsh said:

I asked my wife if she would like a "menage a trois". She said she wasn't keen on Belgian beer.

Don't tell me her name is Stella !

[Shaun Walsh]

You know you are getting old when you recall reading the term "and a knob of butter" but can't remember if you were reading a recipe or your medical notes.

[Gary Manuel]

[extra slim]

This morning, my wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl.. I said I didn’t know he played cricket… #TommyCooper

[EvilC57]

[Brian Cooper]

Bailing out the flood water.

Priceless. 

 

[Christopher Wolfe]

 

Edited May 29, 2023 by Christopher Wolfe

[Christopher Wolfe]

[Martin Harris - Moderator]

37 minutes ago, Christopher Wolfe said:

 

Was she known as Peg?  Looks like her husband had a peg leg. 

[Peter Miller]

57 minutes ago, Christopher Wolfe said:

 

I think that they just hang out together

[Eric Robson]

5 hours ago, Christopher Wolfe said:

 

Looks like her left arm has sprung into action, they could have met on a peg board.

[paul devereux]

Two college students accidentally miss their maths final exam.

The next day they both went to plead with their professor. He said: “I will ask you each one question which will tell me if you have been listening to my lectures and will award you a pass or fail on that alone”.

He asks the first student:

"You are riding in a train carriage and you get too hot. What do you do?"

The student replies," I open the window."

"Very good. Now that window is four feet wide and three feet high. The train is travelling 50 mph due North and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due East. The interior of the carriage measures 200 cubic metres. The air outside is 10 degrees cooler than the air inside. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the carriage and lower your temperature by 5 degrees?"

The student is confused at this seemingly impossible question and just answers, “I don't know." So the professor says “Sorry, you’ve failed!”

He turns to his friend and says “I will now ask you the same question. You are riding in a train carriage and it gets too hot. What do you do?

He says, “I will take my jacket off."

"But it’s still too hot. What do you do?"

"I will take my tie off."

"I understand but it’s very, very hot."

"I will take my shirt off."

"Still too hot”

”Then I’ll take my trousers off”.

 “Come, come” said the professor, “won’t you look foolish going to work naked?”

 The student replies, "Professor, I don’t care how foolish I look, I am NOT opening that bloody window!"

 

[Brian Cooper]

[Peter Christy]

1 hour ago, Brian Cooper said:

 

C'mon, mods! Where is that <GROAN> button we so desperately need?

😆

[Wingman]

My mate Bill’s wife sighed & tearfully said, "Why can’t you treat me like you did when we were courting?"

So Bill took her to the cinema, on for a lovely meal, kissed her goodnight, then dropped her off at her parents.

[Peter Christy]

 

[Paul De Tourtoulon]