Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[Zflyer]

Have you heard that the new Medical Series on TV are doing one on Diarrhoea they expect it to run and run...

[Shaun Walsh]

10 minutes ago, Zflyer said:

Have you heard that the new Medical Series on TV are doing one on Diarrhoea they expect it to run and run...

So more like Dysentery than Dynasty?

[Bruce Collinson]

It’s hereditary.   It runs in families.

[john davidson 1]

No it runs in your jeans

[Brian Cooper]

[leccyflyer]

[leccyflyer]

Glasgow youngster goes out for the evening and unfortunately she misses the last bush home. Not only does she miss the bus but it's completely hammering down with rain. So she rings her dad and asks if he can come and pick her up.

 

"Aye" he says " Where are y'ringin' from?"

"From the top of ma heid all the way doon tae ma knickers...."

[Geoff S]

20 minutes ago, john davidson 1 said:

No it runs in your jeans

 

I thought that what cycle clips were for - to keep it from running out.

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

[John Wagg]

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned

to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike

up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total

stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God,

or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask

you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same

stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns

out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,

thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which

the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss

God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know poo ?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

[Paul De Tourtoulon]

[Brian Cooper]

[Brian Cooper]

One from my grandchildren:

 

Why can't a T-Rex clap its little hands?

.

 

Because they are all extinct. 

[Sheepish]

[Brian Cooper]

[Peter Christy]

[EvilC57]

13 minutes ago, Peter Christy said:

This beer is giving me a sense of déjà vu!

[Shaun Walsh]

30 minutes ago, EvilC57 said:

This beer is giving me a sense of déjà vu!

Many years ago a manager I worked with would often feel ill on a Thursday, phone in sick on Friday and return, miraculously cured, on the following Tuesday. We referred to his mystery illness as "Deja 'Flu".

[Brian Cooper]

[Peter Miller]

3 minutes ago, Brian Cooper said:

looking at charts like that could be the worst thing possible for your eyesight.

[Brian Cooper]

[Eric Robson]

[Gary Manuel]

[john davidson 1]

I've just given up my addiction to nuts marshmallow and chocolate,

 

ITS A ROCKY ROAD!