Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[Shaun Walsh]

What I want to know is why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous if you have to introduce yourself to the group at the first meeting?

[Shaun Walsh]

The Philately Society gets my stamp of approval but I find arctophiles are unbearable. 

Personally I'm a discophile, that's just for the record.

 

[cymaz]

When a Communist is enraged , they must see red. Correct?

[Peter Miller]

Then there was this Chinese  chap went to see this Mandarin.

He said "You are the greatest stamp collector in China.In fact you are the greatest stamp collector in the world"

The Mandarin replied, "Philately will get you no where!"

[fossil1]

I used to be conceited but now I'm perfect.

[fossil1]

Two things about getting old..........

 

1.   Loosing the memory.

 

2.   Can't remember the other.

[Don Fry]

23 minutes ago, fossil1 said:

Two things about getting old..........

 

1.   Loosing the memory.

 

2.   Can't remember the other.

Oh God, I can’t make my brain cell to make a decision. Laugh or cry.

I cook, I carry hundreds of recipes in the noggin, Ragu, Beef Wellington, strawberry jam, mango chutney, picked onions, all complete, quantities, temperature, times. Today, scrambled eggs, and I stood at the stove, (which, as a side issue is going, useless piece of worn out junk, only 15 years old and disliked from new. That’s the stove, to be clear), eggs in hand, and mind went blank, egg, right we have a clue, what the hell else, right, ask the missus, no way. Right, what does it taste like, and the brain cell chugged over, and restored the recipe/process, after a few seconds. 

[PatMc]

2 hours ago, fossil1 said:

Two things about getting old..........

 

1.   Loosing the memory.

 

2.   Can't remember the other.

 

The other is forgetting how to spell "losing" correctly. 😉

[Peter Miller]

3 hours ago, Don Fry said:

Oh God, I can’t make my brain cell to make a decision. Laugh or cry.

I cook, I carry hundreds of recipes in the noggin, Ragu, Beef Wellington, strawberry jam, mango chutney, picked onions, all complete, quantities, temperature, times. Today, scrambled eggs, and I stood at the stove, (which, as a side issue is going, useless piece of worn out junk, only 15 years old and disliked from new. That’s the stove, to be clear), eggs in hand, and mind went blank, egg, right we have a clue, what the hell else, right, ask the missus, no way. Right, what does it taste like, and the brain cell chugged over, and restored the recipe/process, after a few seconds. 

Been there, doing it and the cooker sound like mine only a lot better.

[Don Fry]

In French, described as a Piano de Cuisson. Don’t be fooled. Large uselesss bit of junk.

BTW, Same company wot makes AGA cookers. 

[EvilC57]

6 hours ago, fossil1 said:

I used to be conceited but now I'm perfect.

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

[Peter Miller]

Having read this thread...my favourite.

 

The is nothing wrong with me that euthanasia wouldn't cure!

[Paul De Tourtoulon]

[Ernie]

I PRODUCED THIS AS A TRIBUTE TO OUR NEW KING

ERNIE

[cymaz]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/b00m1d2k

[Brian Sweeting 1]

7 hours ago, cymaz said:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/b00m1d2k

Sorry, can't see it as I'm not registered on that site.

[Trevor]

It’s an episode of the old radio show, ‘Round the Horne’

[Zflyer]

Given the current drought thought you guys maybe interested in this product

[ken anderson.]

the word swims spells the same upside down ........🙃

 

ken anderson....ne..1....one for the kids dept.

[Eric Robson]

When I swim upside down I don't look the same!

[Don Fry]

4 minutes ago, Eric Robson said:

When I swim upside down I don't look the same!

Praise the Lord.

[Peter Miller]

If I was swimming upside down they would call out the RLNI...

 

Come to think of it, it wouldn't matter which way up I was they would still call the RLNI

[Brian Cooper]

[kevin b]

Every time I go out I am accosted by people carrying out random poles.

I think there is a pattern forming.  

[john stones 1 - Moderator]

What sort of poles, the telegraph type or Polish people ?